It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
