My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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