Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
