the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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