i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
