I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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