Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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