nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
