You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
