remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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