its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
