You just made me feel so damn special
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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