oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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