Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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