I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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