Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
