So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
