Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
