Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
