It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
