The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
