she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
