I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
