Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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