i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
