You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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