I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
