Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
