I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize