i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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