Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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