You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
