She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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