Don't make out with my wife yet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
