you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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