I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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