i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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