I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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