she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
smell my finger.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
