WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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