is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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