More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
