Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize