Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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