chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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