but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
