I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you would pick up someone in the library
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
