dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
