whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After tacos, we're chasing women.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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