So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
