I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I could fuck to npr.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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