I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
