I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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