made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
