are you so shy because you have an std?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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