final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
