I think I am morally bankrupt
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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