there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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