Plan B is the new Plan A
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
