Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
