Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
