Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
