I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its not stalking. its research.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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