The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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