i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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