Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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