Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
