I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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