I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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