After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
