he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize