Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
