I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
