The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
