He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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