areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
