I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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