if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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