I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
