i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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