Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize