so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
