clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
