The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
