I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
