white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
