Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize