i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
