I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
