Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the liver wants what the liver wants
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
