i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
