you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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