The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
