Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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