I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
