Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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