I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
