my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
