Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
