quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she told me i tasted like america
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pooping to opera.
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