i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
