eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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