took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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