i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
