Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
