last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize