We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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