Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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