rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
