I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
