I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize