Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
